something new

OK, I'm tired of coming to visit my old blog periodically and seeing the same post at the top for the last 2+ years.

I just reread every post in preparation for sharing my life story at our pastoral staff meeting tomorrow at my new church, in my new town (Pleasant Hill) in my new state (California). Well, actually those things aren't all that new anymore, but a lot happens in two and a half years... what can I say?

I'm struck by how much I like a lot of things about the (at least nominally) creative and reflective person who wrote all this stuff a few years ago... oh, he was way too self-involved and made a lot of the same mistakes over and over again, and knew nothing about wine and acted like he did (living near Napa Valley has taught me a lot more, but I still act like I know more than I do)... but anyway, at least that guy was stopping periodically to reflect on what was going on, to try to listen to what God was saying in the midst of it, to try to verbalize it in a way that might possibly resonate with someone who cared to read it. I like that he was reading some good books, listening to some good music, and then trying to write some words and some notes and rhythms of his own that might contribute to... well, something.

I won't beat myself up for not blogging over this last chunk of time. The last 3 years have been very full, and have been very different from and much more painful than the 24 or so that came before, and I'm still deep in the process of learning how to healthily live in the midst of that. I'm not sure if blogging will be much a part of that healthy process, as I still find that the best place to take some of my deepest thoughts (after God) should be Sarah, and I also find that more and more of the things I might want to process are not necessarily wise to post for all to see. But at the same time, I like many of the things that blogging meant for me a few years ago. I want to start reflecting on the craziness of the world I live in a little more again, to be a little (or a lot) better at listening to God in the midst of it, and to see if I still have anything to say that might be useful to random people in the blogosphere.

So who knows? I may write again tomorrow, or I may let this post sit at the top of the screen for another few months. Who knows? But as I sit here thinking about it, up late because I'm being forced by this silly task of telling my story to my friends and coworkers to reflect a little more deeply into how I'm feeling about my life's arc so far... as I think about that, and how I'm not quite as happy right now (for a few different reasons) with how that life's going as I have been in the past... well, maybe this is something I need to commit to doing. Let's see how it goes.