two in a week!

I must be going through an energetic spurt... the classes I'm teaching this quarter all require quite a bit of preparation, energy, and grading (except for one section of keyboarding, for which I'm very grateful!), so it's making me be very organized, efficient, and focused. I'm also finding myself doing a few things I haven't seemed to have the energy to do recently... I blogged last week, and again tonight. Today at lunch I wrote a crappy poem - but I was writing. I ran on the treadmill a few days ago, and might even do it again tomorrow morning. I've caught up on some e-mail (but I still have a lot left, so sorry if you're someone I've left hanging!). I've started to think about church in the way I did several months ago - not just "what needs to happen for this Sunday's service," but "what should we be doing in a larger sense." I think generally I'm just feeling a little better about life - I'm feeling a little less confused about my situation, and more content with where God has me. Starting to get out of the cloud of confusion I've been in is giving me some extra energy, I think... it kinda scares me though, because like many things in my life, I didn't really do anything to make it this way, and it could disappear in a similarly arbitrary manner. But I'll take it.

the dam breaks

I'm not going to be sheepish - the fact is, I just haven't blogged for a long time (2 months!) and, like my friend Brian wrote on his blog, it's my hobby, not yours! I'm sure I've lost some readers, but the point was never really to have a million people read this (though I love it if you do)... the point was more to have a venue to write about life and the things that fill my mind. To be honest, I don't even have a big urge to write even now, but I know from past experience that if I'm not writing, I'm probably not living life to the fullest. I need to write to fully appreciate the story I'm living out. So I'm going to get back in the habit.

My lack of writing actually hasn't come from an absence of stuff going on in my life - more, it's been a matter of having so much going on that writing about it doesn't seem like it would do it justice. A relationship (3-months old now) that is getting progressively more serious has a lot to do with that. Uncertainty about my future (more about that in a second) has a lot to do with it. A pattern of leaving myself very little free time also contributes. Frankly, I've been pretty confused lately about a lot of things, and it's very possible that not blogging has been a symptom of not slowing down enough to process, pray, and figure things out.

A serious relationship (especially with an amazing woman like Sarah) is a wonderful thing. It also means that you start making your decisions with two people in mind, not just one. And the decisions that the other person makes effect you, too. Even though I was in a serious relationship through most of high school and again through most of college, I spent the last year and a half being single - my decisions were my own. Now I have the privilege of thinking for two. (And of course she is making decisions with me in mind, also.) Like any privilege, it's also responsibility, and I have memories of past experiences that make that responsibility a little scary. But Sarah and I both have past experiences that inform this relationship, and happily (most times) or unhappily (every once in a while) we've been friends for so long that we know most of the details of each other's past experiences. We know these things about each other and we accept them and we venture on. It's fun, it's fulfilling, it's exciting, it's more than a little complicated.

When I mention uncertainty about my future, that relationship plays a role. To what degree does it play a role in my plans? Until/unless there's a ring on your finger, you can't be completely sure of that. The other bit of uncertainty that's been introduced in the last couple months has to do with work. No, it's not the teaching job. Against all odds or predictions, I'm still a teacher, and trying to learn to be better at it every week. No, the uncertainty has to do with my other job. I've talked about how much I love being music director for Northeast - well, finances are hard for most churches, and we had a pretty tough year that way. A lot of other stuff is going very well at church, but things got to the point where they decided they needed to cut staff. So, after this month, I won't be paid there anymore. I don't really want to process that very much in this venue, but I'm trying to balance my love for that church with the reality of the situation, and also I'm trying to answer several questions that it raises for me. When should I go into ministry full-time? When do I go to seminary? Do I need to be paid for doing what I love to do at a church? And, of course, how does Sarah fit into all of this?

So there's the major source of confusion, and I'll let you know how it plays out. Other updates - the cd I've been recording with Nathan down in St. Louis is now almost mixed, and after it's mastered and the graphic design stuff gets done, we'll start getting it printed up. I'm pumped about it, and I'll be letting you know how you can get ahold of it.

My brother has been in Indy over his break from school exploring different ministry areas, and it's been awesome to have him here, playing with us at church and at a gig Sarah and I had, and just hanging out with him. He's one of my favorite people. He and I volunteered this morning at a food pantry together. Very cool experience.

My parents and Sarah and I took a trip to Colorado right after Christmas (being a teacher = 2 week break for Christmas!). I went snowmobiling for the first time and saw my aunt, uncle, and cousins there. Very nice.

So much more to write about, but it'll have to wait. Leave me nasty comments if I take another 2-month hiatus.